She told me I’m a “Groomer”, and it woke me up!
A few years back I had a new therapist. I told her about my history with men and she called me a “groomer”.
I had never heard the term before. What she meant was that I had made a man who treated me badly ready for the next woman who he would treat right. Wow! I was stunned. I had no idea this was a term. My history with men was me leaving them when I had enough of their bullshit and making them to be a better person for the next one.
I looked up the term “groomer” on the internet and found out that usually a pedophile grooms a child, as in prepping them for sexual abuse. But it also can mean that an adult can be groomed for abuse by a person such as NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). This is a person that grooms someone for personal gain.
It means the person with the NPD is grooming someone for abuse which can be mental or physical or both by manipulating them by gaining their trust, isolating them from their support system such as friends and family. This also could be sexual abuse or manipulation to coerce them to fulfill their sexual needs and fantasies and get their subject to do whatever they want sexually.
Apparently, NPD’s can be very charming and alluring and at first they gain your trust by making you feel safe and secure with them.
The groomer may implement messaging that it’s their partner’s job to satisfy them sexually and over time, wear down the partner’s sense of autonomy.
I try not to think of myself as a victim, but as a survivor of several abusive narcissists. I’ve realized I am drawn to these men because I’m an empath and because I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child.
Well, no more! I have learned to spot the red flags. If you want to learn more please see this article by Kayla Triasco at https://www.modernintimacy.com/understanding-grooming-in-adult-relationships/
