How to spot an abusive narcissist, the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome
Having been in more than one abusive relationship and survived them I have learned some things over the years about how abusive narcissists operate. If these signs sound familiar to you, you may be in a relationship with an abusive narcissist.
The abusive narcissist first and foremost needs for people to think he’s a nice guy. He has a need for everyone he comes in contact with to see him as a “good guy” and will go to great lengths to show the world his “goodness” possibly by doing charity work and volunteering.He comes off so charming to the outside world that people would never believe he’s an abuser. He presents himself as a gentleman. He dresses well and seems to carry himself with confidence. He pretends to treat women with respect on the outside by opening doors for ladies, being helpful and creating the feeling that he can be trusted.
An abusive narcissist will build you up at the beginning giving you compliments, treat you like you’re the only woman in the world. They will make you feel safe with them at first, but down the road you become almost an afterthought. Your needs stop mattering to them because their needs become your priority.
But underneath that charming exterior lurks a person with self esteem issues and deep insecurities. In private he may strike out at you at first verbally by making you feel inadequate and pointing out your shortcomings to break you down and make you think you are the one with the issues. They may blame you for everything that is wrong in your relationship or worse they will start to strike at you physically and blame you for their violence because you are the problem not them.
The abusive narcissist may have been abused as a child and needs you to be empathetic to his personal issues.
On the flip side, an abusive narcissist may not have been abused but just the opposite, they were spoiled and made to feel they were above everyone and they are somehow perfect.
An abusive narcissist constantly needs reassurances that they are your only priority. The abusive narcissist is only interested in their own agenda. Your goals, your desires, your wants and needs are not on their agenda.
The abusive narcissist never apologizes for their actions and always makes excuses or turns things around on you and makes you justify your actions.
The abusive narcissist will also most likely tell lies about you in order to belittle you and make people think you are or were the crazy one in the relationship and that you are or were the one ruining it. Their main goal is to tear you down.
In closing, the abusive narcissist has absolutely no remorse for their bad actions and either denies them completely or justifies them. If you have seen theses signs then you are probably involved with an abusive narcissist.
A final note. The abusive narcissist can also be a woman. There are plenty of female narcissists out there who are females. You may have encountered them in your friendships. If you find yourself in a friendship or relationship with a narcissist the best advice I can give is RUN LIKE THE WIND IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
